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Some Kind Of Bliss Below are 10 entries, after skipping 10 most recent ones in the "Phoenix" journal:

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January 16th, 2013
11:33 pm

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I am never beaten----Broken, not defeated
Today was a horrible day for a multitude of reasons. And spending half my day off AT WORK for a meeting didn't help matters. I haven't felt so deflated and frustrated and helpless is a VERY long time. I do not care for those feeling in the least. Hopefully it will all work out. No, I know it will work out, one way or another. But in the mean time, it's a wonderful night for a good, thorough cleansing bath and some rest. Tomorrow is another day. When you've hit the bottom, you can only for up from there, right?

Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Katy Perry - "Part of Me"

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January 10th, 2013
12:23 am

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So. Irritated.
I am so disgusted with this company we work for right now it's not even funny. And I'm not exactly pleased with my District Manager either. When I ask for advice on how to improve, on how to comply with his wishes and the wishes of the company, and I'm told to just keep working at it and "cutting and controlling what I can" and then you want to give me a written "verbal" warning 2 days later. FUCK YOU. And FUCK THIS COMPANY. Even the counseling form itself says "Verbal Warning with advice on how to improve" and it says NOTHING of the sort. When I ask for help on how to train new people and STILL send people home and make labor, I get nothing, no help, NOTHING. So if I'm not doing MY JOB then YOU aren't doing YOUR JOB either. I have never before felt so upset and flabbergasted and disgusted in all my years with BK. This new company was supposed to have all sorts of "tools" to help us control our business and improve and yet we're not shown how to use them, it shows us the numbers but then what do we do with them? If we can even use the right report to look at the right numbers. So many promises and once again, more corporate lies. Give me a BREAK.

Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: Christina Aguilera - "Shut Up"

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January 6th, 2013
11:50 pm

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From the ashes....The Phoenix...RISES!
SO, I've decided to start using this journal again. Bring it back from the ashes, as it were. I need a space to vent, breathe, think, and pour out everything from time to time. And this journal has seen much of my life, almost 10 years actually, so it seems only fitting.

Time to dust this off, and start again.

Here we go.....

Current Location: United States, Nebraska, Omaha
Current Mood: hotreborn
Current Music: Kelly Clarkson "Catch My Breath"

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June 18th, 2009
08:52 pm

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The End
Having not posted anything here in over a year, the time has come to lay this journal to rest.

The final update:

I am in love. I am truly happy. I'm engaged!

I have let go of the past, and I embrace my future----with Nick, and for myself----with an open heart and open mind.

I feel this journal, from the first post to the last, has come full circle.

The end....




(http://www.myspace.com/phoenixdarkphoenix)

Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Spice Girls "Goodbye"

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April 28th, 2008
09:22 pm

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Help me...







http://www.geocities.com/childoflight3/help_me.html?1209706075424

http://www.geocities.com/childoflight3/help_me.html?1209706075424


http://www.geocities.com/childoflight3/help_me.html?1209706075424


http://www.geocities.com/childoflight3/help_me.html?1209706075424

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

March 18th, 2008
03:33 am

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Survivor!
Now that you're outta my life
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without you
But I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without you
But I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without you
I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without you
Now I'm wiser
Though that I'd be helpless without you
But I'm smarter

Thought I couldn't breathe without you
I'm inhaling
You thought I couldn't see without you
Perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without you
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without you
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without you
But I'm on top
Thought it would be over by now
But it won't stop
Ya Thought that I would self destruct
But I'm still here
Even in my years to come
I'm still gon' be here


After of all of the darkness and sadness
Soon comes happiness
If I surround my self with positive things
I'll gain prosperity

I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
I'm not gon' stop
I'm gon' work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'

I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
I'm not gon' stop
I'm gon' work harder

I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it

I will survive
And Keep on Survivin'!

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Destiny's Child "Survivor"

(Leave a comment)

October 4th, 2007
05:36 am

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Once Upon A Dream

Listen to me, I have beautiful dreams I can spin you
Dreams to linger within you
Close your eyes and we'll ride my carousel
I'll sing you stories of
Lovers whose love used to fill me
And for lovers who will be
For you see, love is one thing I do well
Come, let's believe love can be just as sweet as it seems
Let's live on dreams...

In my dreams, such beautiful lovers have found me
Storybook lovers surround me
Nothing is real, but I'm flying
Sighing: Where, where, where is my storybook ending?
Why does my golden pretending
Leave me with nothing to hold...but
My dreams?

Oh, is it only in dreams that we find our ideal love?
Are there lovers with real love?
If you know how to feel love, show me how
Ah, but my prince, if you can't be sweet as you seem
I'd rather dream!

In my dreams, such beautiful lovers have found me
Storybook lovers surround me
Nothing is real, but I'm flying
Crying: Where, where, where is my storybook ending?
Why does my golden pretending
Leave me with nothing to hold...but
My dreams?

Come and wake me! Come be love I can hold now!
Storybook love leaves me cold now!
Show me the way to stop dreaming!
There is only one perfect storybook ending
That is the end of pretending
That is the moment I say: Love me now

Current Mood: sleepydreaming
Current Music: Linda Eder "Storybook"

(Leave a comment)

September 27th, 2007
05:22 am

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One Year

It's amazing how much can change in a year. Last year, right now, one year ago today:

  • Jason and I were together
  • We had just gotten back from FL, our first vacation together and the first (and only) time he got to meet Shannon and everyone in FL and see the whole scope of my life.
  • I was driving my Neon still
  • Jason was not yet living here and he and Jenny still lived in the house on 16th street
  • Spike was alive
  • I wasn't completely and utterly in debt thanks to Jason
  • I was still working @ my old BK and with DeAnn
  • I still believed in Jason
  • I'd never heard of Brent
  • I'd never heard of Gabe...
  • I wasn't even a salaried manager yet and wasn't making NEAR as much as I do now

Now, one year later:

  • I am very much single
  • I haven't spoken to Jason in weeks
  • I owe a ton of money in a ton of different directions
  • I am slowly rebuilding my life again once Jason tore through and tried to destroy everything
  • DeAnn works somewhere else and I am at a new BK
  • I have the Jetta now (and love it!)
  • I believe that everything Jason said and did was a lie
  • I had the experience of living with a b/f and of kicking him out
  • I haven't been to FL in over a year
  • I heard of Brent, "stole" him from Jason, went out with and started to actually fall for him, only to have him try to break my heart like everyone else
  • I found out about Jason's alleged indiscretion with Gabe
  • I lost a lot of stuff that was very important to me when Jason and Jenny lost the house on 16th
  • I'm an AGM @ work and making more money than anyone else I know
  • I am trying to find myself again, both magickally, mundanely, and Destiny-wise.

So much change in seemingly so little time. Crazy. Some has been for the better. The most painful of it all seems to have all been for the best. And yes, it hurt. More than words can say. But here I am. Stronger. Still alive. And a little bit wiser.

Current Mood: pensivereflective
Current Music: Anna Nalick "In The Rough"

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

August 3rd, 2007
05:12 am

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Please don't let it begin....

Please don't let it begin
You're under my skin
Same old story
Boy meets boy and he falls much harder than him
Baby, where's the glory?

If all night, all night, you're attention's not mine
Please don't let it begin
You're under my skin
It's a sin 'cause you're starting to win

Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you
My heart's wide open
I'm just not getting through to the lover in you
But I'm still hoping
That tonight, tonight, you're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room just to prove it to you
What do I gotta do?

Just push him aside
He's not your type
So cliche้ when a boy falls under the spell
Of a loser from hell
It's hard to take 'cause

Tonight, tonight, you could have found out I might
Have been the boy of your dreams
Baby, you might have seen what it means just to really be free

Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you
My heart's wide open
I'm just not getting through to the lover in you
But I'm still hoping
That tonight, tonight, you're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room just to prove it to you
What do I gotta do?

Tell me that you do
Tell me that you do
Tell me that you wanna take my number
There will come a day
A hazy day in May or a storm in mid December
When you need someone just to have a little fun

I could be the perfect boy for you to ruin...

Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you
My heart's wide open
I'm just not getting through to the lover in you
Yet I'm still hoping
That tonight, tonight, you're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room just to prove it to you
What do I gotta do?

Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you
My heart's wide open
I'm just not getting through to the lover in you
Yet I'm still hoping
That tonight, tonight, you're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room just to prove it to you
What do I gotta do?

Don't let it begin
Cuz you're under my skin
And I'm screwed

I'm screwed...

Please don't let it begin...
You're under my skin

Please don't let it begin...

Please don't let it begin
You're under my skin...

I'm screwed...


Current Mood: lovedscrewed
Current Music: Paris Hilton "Screwed"

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July 26th, 2007
12:47 am

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All of the Right Things....
Move it right up to me,
Like you know you should,
And make me know you're doin,
All of the right things...

Coz makin lots of money,
And livin in a dream,
Is when you know you're doin,
All of the right things...

Push it, oh, don't push it,
Push it, oh, don't push it,
Push it, oh, don't push it...

Coz baby, I want your love,
I want your lovin baby,
Baby, I want your love,


Bet you think you're funny,
Just hangin with my friends,
They make you think you're sayin,
All of the right things...

When you gonna wake up,
And when you gonna see,
That they're just glad you give me,
All of the right things...

Push it, oh, don't push it,
Push it, oh, don't push it,
Push it, oh, don't push it...

Coz baby, I want your love,
I want your lovin baby,
Baby, I want your love,


Push it, oh, don't push it,
Push it, oh, don't push it,
Push it, oh, don't push it...

Push it, oh, don't push it,
Push it, oh, don't push it,
Push it, oh, just don't push it...

You said you're gonna call me,
And I wait by the phone,
I need to hear you sayin,
All of the right things...


Coz boy I got your number,
I'm tryin to play it cool,
But you'd better be doing,
All of the right things...


Push it, oh, push it,
Push it, oh, push it,
Push it...

Coz baby, I want your love,
I want your lovin baby,
Baby, I want your love,


Coz baby, I want your love,
I want your lovin baby,
Baby, I want your love,


Baby, baby, baby, baby...

Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Atomic Kitten "I Want Your Love"

(Leave a comment)

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