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I am thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight... - Some Kind Of Bliss
January 30th, 2015
05:34 am


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I am thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight...

These past 2 weeks have been really really difficult. This is the longest I have gone without seeing him since Dec 3rd. I understand why he hasn't been able to come here but it still sucks. We're still in the "friends and let's see what happens" phase. Which I hate. Hate so very much. And also makes this time and distance even more unbearable. And I probably won't see him now for another couple weeks. I miss him. I miss how it feels when I'm around him. I told him tonight that I missed seeing him. I didn't say that I miss him so badly that I can't sleep. 2 weeks without him here and I still don't sleep as good as I do when he's here. And even tho he still sleeps on the couch upstairs (the whole friends thing...and since he haven't so much as even kissed it just makes sense) I always sleep better when I know he's upstairs in the same vicinity of me. And mornings are my favorite time when we are just sitting, half asleep, talking, laughing. I love his laugh. I've called him a couple times since he hasn't been here. Especially when I start feeling my frantic worry craziness creep in. Just hearing his voice brings me back to center. I can handle this distance so much better when things aren't in this vague undefined stage. I think he knows when I start bugging out tho. I don't know how I feel about that. But it is what it is. All I know is, never in my romantic life have I ever just decided on something. Things have always just kinda started and ended. But for the first time I can say I know exactly what I want. I want him. And I will wait however long and deal with whatever distance if it means being with him in the end. He is worth it and then some. I haven't said it out loud but my heart knows....I am totally completely falling for him. He is the perfect mix of balance and drive for me. He keeps be anchored when I need it and inspires me when I need that. There's so much I want to tell him. I want to tell him how BADLY I am missing him right now. I want to tell him that I want him more than anything I have ever wanted in this world. I want to tell him I will never go away, I want to be the one to break his cycle and prove it wrong. But instead I will hold it in for now and stay patient. I will wait. Because he is worth every second. I almost lost him once. I don't ever want to lose him again.

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